Rise and Fall
by Kate8
Summary: When Captain Janeway is injured in an attack, Chakotay realizes just how much she means to him. But the Captain doesn't like it when suddenly her first officer is playing 'mother'. This was my first venture into the world of FanFict. Long Chapters.
1. Default Chapter

Rise&Fall

Please check out my website for more fanfict: [http://katetrek.tripod.com][1]

**_Rise and Fall_**

Captain Kathryn Janeway strolled on to the bridge at 0754 hours. Alpha shift was about to begin and most of the senior staff were already at their stations. "Status report," the Captain said as she sat down in her chair.

"Two Etainian ships approaching. They are on an intercept course," Tuvok said quietly.

"Tom, set a heading four-zero-nine-six. Let's avoid anymore entanglements with them," Chakotay said.

"Captain," Tuvok stated. "The two ships have changed course--they are again on an intercept course."

"Arm phasers," Janeway ordered. "Mr. Paris set a new heading of three-five-two warp 8. Maybe they'll realize we're not in the mood today."

"They have adjusted their course, Captain," Tuvok responded.

Janeway shook her head. "Harry, monitor their activity and adjust our shields and weapons accordingly. Mr. Tuvok, open a hailing channel." She waited for Tuvok to acknowledge the channel was open, then stood. "This is Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager, please respond. "

No response. "Captain, the Etainians have armed their weapons. And have increased their speed to warp 8.6. They will be within firing range in minutes." Tuvok looked at the screen at the two approaching ships.

Janeway looked at her first officer and smiled slightly. "Well, so much for not getting in a fight. Increase power to the shields. Slow to half impulse." The Etainians were technologically advanced, their weapons and shields were highly sophisticated and comparable Voyager's. Without the information provided by Neelix, Voyager would have been in serious trouble in the last battle. Janeway hoped they hadn't reworked their systems too completely...

The two Etainian ships split-up and the first one started its attack run. "Evasive maneuvers, Mr. Paris, alpha two." Chakotay said as the second ship started it's run. There was flash and the ship shook.

"Return fire. Mr. Tuvok, target their weapons systems."

They watched the screen as Voyager's phaser hit the first ship. 

"Moderate damage to the first ship's weapons," Harry called out. "The second ship has changed it shield configuration to match our phasers. Adjusting phasers. Our shields are holding." There was a second flash and again the ship shook as the 2nd ship attacked.

"Fire at will," Janeway ordered as she released her grip on the chair. Tuvok returned fire, the second Etainian ship appeared to stall for a moment but then continued on."

"Captain, the second ship suffered only minor damage to their weapons systems and propulsion.

More of the same went on for several minutes. The enemy ships would make an attack run and Voyager would be lucky to do minimal damage to their shields. It was becoming painfully obvious that Voyager was out manned and out gunned. Tom Paris at the helm was doing his best to avoid the brunt of the assault but they just kept coming.

"They're still coming after us!" Ensign Kim called out.

The bridge shook violently sending everyone thrown from their stations. "Damage report!" Captain Janeway barked while scrambling back to her feet.

"Shields down to 52% Warp engines are off-line as is the forward phaser array." Mr. Tuvok reported in his ever calm and efficient matter.

"Return fire, with....whatever we've got left."

"Firing aft phaser array, minimal damage to the first ship." Tuvok reported. "They are returning fire."

"Mr. Paris, can you get us out of here?"

"I can try." The ship shuddered once more from the impact of the Etainian weapons. This time multiple panels exploded

"Shields are failing!" Ensign Kim reported trying to raise his voice over the sounds of the bridge exploding around him.

"Engineering, status report on the warp engines?"

"Torres here Captain, It's going to be a while. The warp core has to be totally realigned. Two hours at least."

"We haven't got two hours! Keep me posted! Janeway out. Tom, now's the time to impress me."

"Initiating evasive maneuvers. Changing course bearing 461 mark 0. One-quartrer impulse power, aft thrusters firing."

"Mr. Tuvok," Captain Janeway walks over to the tactical console as Chakotay follows her. "What is the status of our weapons?"

"The last volley took out all phaser arrays. Photon torpedo tubes are damaged and cannot be fired."

"Are you saying we're defenseless?" Janeway barked, her voice coming out harsher than she had intended it.

"Yes Captain." The Vulcan ever so calmly replied.

"Okay," she leaned over the the tactical station for a moment as she thought to herself. "What if we Re modulated the phaser arrays and sent the phaser pulse through the secondary EPS conduits and through main deflector dish. We should be able to disburse a high intensity phaser blast for several second , sure to disable their ships."

Tuvok thought f or a moment and nodded in agreement "Theoretically, that is a plausible option. However, because of our current situation, and the loss of our shields, we would overload the secondary EPS systems and cause great damage to the deflector and surrounding sections."

"Fine, fine I understand we would only get one shot, but can we do it?' she asked.

"With some minor modifications to deflector control I believe so." 

"They're on us, and coming around for another attack." Kim reported from his station.

"Tom, I need two minutes, keep them at bay until then then on my signal I want you to draw us in closer." Janeway ordered.

"Closer?" The pilot questioned "Okay, will do."he returned his attention to his station, hands flying over the controls.

"Janeway to engineering. B'Elanna, evacuate deflector control an the surrounding areas. Prepare emergency containment fields."

"Aye Captain." The engineers voice come over the comm.

"Commander you have the bridge I'll be in deflector control." Janeway ordered already on her way to the turbolift."

"Captain, I do not believe that it is wise of you to-" her Tactical officer began.

"Two minutes Tom!" Janeway cut him off and shouted to her pilot. 

"Two minutes, yes Mamm." Tom called back.

"Captain, Tuvok's right, let me-" Chakotay cut in following her to the turbolift.

Janeway steeped inside and looked at him. "I'll take care of it" Janeway said giving him a sly smile. "You keep my ship in one piece until I get back." and with that the turbolift doors closed and she was gone.

Tuvok and Chackotay exchanged uneasy glances.

Janeway made her way through the abandoned corridors and halls on her way to deflector control. This entire section had to be evacuated because of the possibility of a buildup in the deflector array damaging not only the deflector but the surrounding sections as well. Her plan was risky but no more so than sitting around waiting for an Ethanian battle cruiser to make it's final kill. That's why she had to do this alone, she couldn't order another member of her crew to put their lives on the line for this. As Captain it was her responsibility.

She keyed in her access code and entered the main control room for the deflector dish. She immediately headed towards the control station knowing that time was short. Paris had only guaranteed her two minutes and her time was almost up. As her hands flew across the controls in a race against time she was able to quickly reroute the phaser discharge from the damaged arrays through the secondary EPS conduits and channeled them into the main deflector dish. She keyed in the sequence to bring the deflector up to full power. Knowing this would take a few seconds she opened a direct comm. link to the bridge so she could maintain control of the situation. "Mr. Tuvok, I've rerouted the phasers from the forward and aft arrays into the deflector dish. I'm now transferring control of the targeting sensors from tactical to this station." she informed her security chief over the link.

"Acknowledged Captain, my screen shows you have control." he replied

"Mr. Kin." Janeway called out never moving her eyes from her work "I need you to call out to me the status of those ships every few seconds."

"Aye Captain." the ensign responded.

"Tom, take us in." Janeway ordered. She knew that she would only have one shot and the closer Voyager could get to their attackers the better chance they had. She keyed in the deflector to target the propulsion centers of both ships. If she could disable them long enough Voyager would have all the time they needed to make a clean getaway and get the warp drive back online.

"Captain, the lead ship is bringing her weapons to bare, they're preparing to fire." Kim reported from his station at Ops.

"Understood." Janeway shouted. "All hands, brace for impact!" Janeway imputed the final commands as she heard the hum of the power modules indicating the deflector was ready to go. 'Stay together for me Voyager' she quietly whispered as she pressed the discharge. Two brilliant phaser discharges were emitted from the disruptor and were right on target. The discharge lasted for several seconds as the last of the power was drained. Then things went to Hell. Suddenly the whole tactical station exploded around Janeway sending debris flying everywhere. Janeway is literally lifted into the air propelled backwards by the enormous force of the explosion. For a moment she seemed to be flying, a thousand thoughts crossed her mind. Had artificial gravity been compromised? Was there a hull breach and she was now drifting out into space? In that fraction of a second she caught a glimpse of the room around her. The plasma conduits were blown and much of the room has caught fire. 'Oh My' she thought just before she was slammed head first into the bulkhead behind her and crumbled to the floor. And everything was dark."

"We got 'em! Both vessels have been disabled and are not following!" Harry Kim excitedly yells from his Operations station on the bridge.

"Confirmed," Tuvok stated much calmer than the young ensign. "The Captain's plan appears to have worked."

"Ya see," Paris smirked turning his attention to the center of the bridge. "Nothing to worry about."

Chackotay smiled as he looked at the bridge crew and patted Paris on the shoulder. "Bridge to Captain Janeway, congratulations you did it! The Ethanian ships have been disabled." The chatter on the bridge ended when Chackotay's call was met with silence. Then all of the smiles were immediately gone. "Captain Janeway," Chackotay repeated his voice stressed and urgent this time. "Captain please respond." Moments passed and still nothing. Chackotay frantically looked up to Tuvok at tactical.

Without every saying a word Tuvok was able to read the expression on Chackotay's face. Tuvok returned Chackotay's glance "The EPS conduits in the deflector room have overloaded and discharged. I'm reading a fire and severe structural damage.

Chackotay was immediately in action. "Bridge to the transporter room, medical emergency beam Captain Janeway directly to sickbay." 

"Torres here sir, transporters are off line, I'm on my way to the deflector control room."

"Understood, we'll meet you there. Bridge to sickbay we have a Medical emergency I need the Doctor in the main deflector control room now!" Chakotay barks into his com badge he and Tuvok have already made their way into the turbolift.

Seconds seemed like hours as Chackotay tore like a madman through the halls knocking over anyone who stood in his way. Tuvok right on his heals, not far behind.

When he got to the door to the deflector control room he found Torres already there punching in commands at the keypad. "The door's jammed." she explained as she worked to get it open, we're going to have to pry it open. The three worked and were able to pry one of the doors apart enough to allow them passage. As they opened the door they were immediately greeted by a room filled with smoke that pored through the opening they had made. Torres squinted as she made her way through. "Where is she?" she yelled as she tried to feel her way around the room to find an emergency fire suppression kit.

"Here, hurry!" Chakotay called as he began to clear the rubble off of the Captain's body.

Tuvok is soon at his Captain's side. "I'm not getting a pulse." Tuvok reports to calmly, his Vulcan logic not allowing him to so any emotion.

"Get me the emergency medical kit!" Chakotay barks.

Torres who has had no luck with the fire suppression system rushes over to the scene and hands Chakotay the kit coughing and gasping for breath. Chakotay, anxiously fumbles around with it for a moment until Tuvok grabs it from him. He injects the Captain with a hypo spray and continues to scan.

Chakotay simply kneels there, dazed and numb. Unable to move, or speak. Simply watching Tuvok as he attempts to save the Captain. Only thinking of how he's going to loose her. "God damn it Kathryn, why do you have to be so suborn?" Chakotay says more to himself than to his Captain's body lying motionless on the deck.

But Janeway's soot covered face and limp body didn't respond.

The Doctor and Kes arrive on the scene as Torres motions them to her position. Both doctor and Kes opened up their medical tricorder and began to scan the Captain. "I need to get her sickbay, now." The doctor shouted, with his eyes never moving from his patient.

"Transporters are off line, we'll have to cary her. "Torres said. 

"No, without knowing the extent of the damage moving her could kill her. But we've got to get her and the rest of you out of this room before you all suffocate." the Doctor reported

"Torres." Chakotay turned to his chief engineer.

"I'm on it." She said as she ran out the door.

"We've got to do something now." Kes called out.

"Prepare 12cc's of Linsven, cortical stimulator, 40% charge.

"Ready." Kes called out after attaching the cortical stimulator to the Captain's forehead.

"Now." The Doc. ordered. The Captain's body shuddered and jolted under electronic current flowing through her body.

"No response." Kes called out.

"Cortical Stimulator, 60% charge."

"Ready."

"Now."

Again, the Captain's body jolted violently. Chakotay just kneeled there by her side. With every jolt he felt as if someone was ripping his heart out of his chest. So helpless. He could do nothing as he watched her lay there, dying. He couldn't loose her, not now.

"I'm getting a weak pulse, still no respiration." Kes called.

"Good, quickly, the Linsven." The doctor called as he ejected the drug into her system.

"Doctor, her pulse if fading, I'm loosing her again. We need to get her to sick bay."

"Damn it Torres, where are my Transporters!" Chakotay barked.

"The whole system's fried, I'm working as fast as I can!"

"Kes, prepare 40cc's of Provaline." the Doc ordered

"Doctor, 40cc's? That's over double the recommended safe tolerances." Tuvok reminded the Doctor. "That dosage could completely overload the Captains system."

"I am well aware of that, I've got to try to shock her system into functioning again." Kes hands the doctor the Provaline. He reached down to inject the drug.

Chakotay grabbed the doctor's hand before he could proceed. It was the first real movement he had made. "Are you sure?" he demanded. 

"Commander, we don't have much of a choice, she is going to die right here, right now if we do nothing. The Captain is a strong woman, I am confidant that she will survive. This is our last option. Now let me do my job."

Chakotay released his grip. "Fine, I just hope you know what you're doing."

"So do I." The doctor added and preceded to inject the drug into the Captain's system.

Janeway seizure once, however this time it wasn't an electrical surge that jolted through her body. Yet even more forceful. Rather her body's reaction to the enormous amount of drug that had just been injected into her system. She let out an odd moan, obviously from the shock. Her blood shot eyes opened widely for an instant and she starred deep into Chackotay's eyes. For that instant, there was a connection between the two. And then, her head fell back to the floor, and her eyes slowly closed. The room was deathly quiet, and then for the first time in minutes, Captain Kathryn Janeway, took in her first tortured breath of air.

***

Kathryn Janeway still lay unconscious on the floor. She was alive, amazingly. However she wasn't out of the woods yet.

"I've got a transporter for you Chackotay." Torres reported from her engineering console.

"Beam the Captain, Kes, and myself directly to sickbay." the Doctor ordered and within an instant they were gone.

Chackotay and Tuvok made their way out of the smoke filled room just as the damage control team with fire gear came running by them. "Mr. Tuvok, you have the bridge. Proceed with repairs as needed. I'll be in sickbay."

"Aye sir."

The walk to sickbay seamed longer than usual. Chakotay couldn't help but think of Kathryn. For the second time in as many months he felt completely helpless. The first had been when the shuttle crash landed on that planet and he had to perform CPR, desperately trying to keep her alive until the rescue party arrived. And now, seeing her lying there on the deck. Now, the jaws of death had nearly snapped her away from him once more. This whole ordeal wasn't over yet. It wasn't even close. Chakotay walked in to sickbay when he saw the Doctor and Kes working around the Captain's motionless body. There were also several other crew members in sickbay, from the looks of it they were only injured with minor bangs and bruises.

Kes looked up and saw the commander walk in. "Commander, are you hurt?" she inquired as she walked over to him.

"No, how is she?" and motioned over to the bio-bed that Janeway was laying on.

"I'm afraid it's not good commander. She took quit a hit. The explosion alone was enough to kill her. She also has a massive concussion. She must have banged her head pretty hard against bulkhead console when she went flying back from the blast. The concussion itself caused a lot of swelling in the brain. She also suffered sever broken ribs, and a fractured wrist but all minor problems. Her system also took quite a shock from the Provaline." Sensing the apprehension in the commander she immediately continued, "The doctor made the right decision, it may have very well saved her life. There were just some damaging side affects."

"Well, what do we do now?" Chakotay questioned

"I'll let the doctor explain." Kes replied as she saw the doctor begin to walk over. Kes then left to tend to the other patients." 

"Commander." The doctor politely acknowledged.

"Doctor, Kes informed me of the Captain's situation. Just how do you plan to treat her?"

"I want to put the Captain in a medically educed coma." he responded

"You what?!"

"Commander, I know how this may sound. However, her brain took a major hit in the accident. The brain is like any other organ needs to heal, and it can't do that while she's conscious, or near consciousness."

"Are you sure, what if something goes wrong."

"Commander, I'm not going to lie to you, it a very dangerous procedure. However, I don't believe that we have any other option. Things may turn out to be fine."

"And they may not." Chackotay interrupted him , not missing a beat.

"As I said it is a very dangerous procedure. She may not wake up from the coma, if she does she may have some permanent brain damage. Her brain activity may fall so low that she stops breathing and her heart stops beating. Or the swelling in her brain will be reduced, she'll wake up and make a full recovery. I will monitor her very closely and as soon as the swelling has come down enough I will bring her out of it. We don't have any other option. In fact, it appears that regardless of what we do the Captain is slowly slipping away into a coma on her own. I for one would prefer to have some control of the situation."

'Damn it Kathryn, look what you've done to yourself' he thought. "When are you going to put her under?"

"I need to do it now." he responded.

"Can I talk to her first?"

" I don't even know if she'll be able to hear you, she won't be able to respond."

"I understand." Chakotay walked over to the bio-bed where she was lying and grasped her hand firmly. The doctor and Kes left the area to give them some privacy. She didn't look so good, she had a gash across her forehead where some debris struck her. Her face was pail, except for the patches of smoke and soot. It wasn't all that surprising considering what she had been through. "You listen to me Kathryn, you're going to be all right. Do you hear me? You've just got to hang on a little longer." He softly spoke to her trying to hold back his tears. She may not be able to hear him, but hopefully, she would know that he was there. He struggled to keep his voice clear of any emotion. "The doctor is going to put you medically educed coma to help the swelling in your brain go down. Don't fight it, just let yourself rest for a while. You are going to wake up, you just need some time to heal. Just relax, and let your body have the time it needs for you to get well. There's nothing you need to worry about, I'll take care of everything." He looked over to where the doctor was treating another patient.

The doctor prepared walked over to where the Captain was lying and prepared the hypo. He looked at Chakotay for approval, when Chakotay nodded the doctor proceed to inject the drug into her bloodstream. 

Chakotay watched the monitor and saw her vital signs fall and finally stabilize out as she fell deeper and deeper into her sleep. He looked up at the doctor. "How long do you think she'll have to stay like this?"

"Three days, maybe more. I'll check the swelling every few hours and we can adjust the time as needed."

Chakotay nodded void of all emotion, simply numb. "Keep me posted, I'll be on the bridge." He took one last look at Kathryn, turned and exited. He knew that these were going to be the longest three days in his entire life.

Commander Chakotay sat at the Captain's desk in her ready room. Reviewing the repairs reports may not have been the most exciting thing to do, but at least it was something. Hell, at 1:30 in the morning, it was practically the only thing there was to do. Anything, to keep his mind off of what was happening in sickbay. He considered going down there to see her, but he didn't think it would do any good. The last thing he wanted to do right now was see her lying there in her coma. So, he simply sat at Kathryn's desk reviewing the engineering reports. By the last estimate, they should have warp power sometime within the next two days. That was good, he wanted Voyager to be under her way by the time Kathryn woke up. One less thing she had to worry about. At that time the door chimed.

"Come in." Chakotay called out.

B'Elanna Torres came strolling though the door. "Chakotay, I didn't expect you to be up this late."

"I've got a lot of work to do." He grumbled

"Okay, I just wanted to leave you a repair update."

"Thanks," he said, sounding depressed, and tired. "You can just set it on the desk. I'll take a look at it later."

She set the PADD down on the Captain's desk. "Chakotay, it's 1:30 in the morning, are you okay?" She asked. Obviously concerned for him.

"What?" He looked up, oblivious to the world.

"I said, how are you holding up?"

"I'm fine, thanks. I've just got a lot of work to do."

B'Elanna nodded. "You've said that already."

"Oh, well what are you doing still up?"

"Actually, I was just going to bed. I thought I drop these by so you could have them first thing in the morning. I was a little surprised when the computer said you were here."

"Well, since you're hear you might as well give me an overview of how things are coming along."

"Well, the repairs are coming along nicely. We should have warp drive late tomorrow. The deflector dish will take some more time I'm estimating that Voyager will be underway within the next three days." 

"That's good."

"Look Chakotay, there's not much more you can do tonight, why don't we go get a quick bite to eat and you can get some sleep."

"No thanks, I'm not hungry, and I'm fine." he replied, his eyes never moving from the computer terminal.

"Chakotay, look at me." Torres forcefully demanded.

Chakotay finally looked up from his terminal.

"That's better. You look like the picture of hell. Don't tell me you're fine. I know you better than that."

"It's just been one of those days."

"Yeah, it has been a hell of a day. But you're not doing anyone any good by sitting around here. Go back to you're quarters, eat a hot meal and get some sleep. I know you're worried about the Captain, we all are, but there's nothing you can do for her now."

"You're right, there's nothing I can do for her now, but there was. I never should have let her do it."

"Chakotay, I wasn't here. But from what Tom and Harry tell me, the Captain had a plan to disable the ships. As you well know, when you're in command you can't ask someone to do something that you're not willing to do yourself. It was her idea, and she wanted to follow through with it. She new the risks, and she did it anyway. You would have done the same thing if you were in her position. "

"That doesn't help anything. I'm her first officer, it is my duty to keep her safe!" Chakotay shouted as he slammed his fist down on the table and rose from his chair.

Torres walked right in front of Chakotay and looked him dead in the eye. "Chakotay, you can't protect her all the time! This isn't your fault. The Captain, did what she had to do. She saved the ship for god's sake! She's the Captain, it's her duty it's all of our duties. She saved the ship but she got hurt. She knew the risks involved and she went through with it anyway for the good of the ship. That's what Captain's do. This is not your fault! Now damn-it stop blabbing yourself! You're not helping anyone, and you can't do anything about it now, so stop simmering over it. That's what you've been doing for the past thirteen hours."

There was an awkward period of silence between the two of them. Chakotay was the first one to break it with a yawn. "I give up."

"Good, now come on, we're going to get something to eat, and then I'm going to walk you back to your quarters and you're going to get some rest."

A half of an hour latter Chakotay and Torres were standing outside of his quarters. Dinner, or rather, a very early breakfast was awkward. Chakotay had sat there quietly sipping at his chicken soup. Any attempts by B'Elanna to start a friendly conversation was met with only quick, single word answers.

"Well, there you go." Torres said as she escorted Chakotay to his door. "Now go to bed. You've had a rough day. I'll see you in the morning, good night." She said while letting out a yawn. Torres turned and headed down the hall when Chakotay called after her.

"B'Elanna."

She stopped and turned to face him.

"Good night, and thank you." He replied

Torres smiled. "Anytime." and continued down the hallway.

Chakotay tossed and turned all night. He couldn't get the image of the tactical console exploding sending Kathryn sprawling backwards out of his mind. As he kneeled there on the floor, not being able to help her. Just watching the whole time as Tuvok, and then Kes and the Doc. tried to save her. Finally, around 2:30 he got up and got dressed. 'I need to get out of here and stop obsessing' he thought to himself. So he went to one of the most comforting places he could think to go to.

The hydroponics gardens. Where they had met many a sleepless night. he walked around for a short time and then finally sat down and starred off. He half expected her to walk in, but that never happened. He needed her now. He needed to see her, to know that she was going to be all right. He needed to be comforted by her. Abruptly, and without a word, he left.

He simply walked around unconsciously, just roaming the ship. Nowhere in particular, just walking. When unconsciously, he turned off and walked right in to sick-bay. 'Wait a minute,'he thought. 'What am I doing here?' And then he turned around and saw her lying there. She looked, peaceful, calm, just in a normal sleep. She was lying there covered up with the blankets and still looked peaceful. All her cuts and bruises had been healed, no smoke or soot smeared her face. Even the minor plasma burns from her hands were gone. But still, this was different, he knew that this wasn't a restful sleep, she was fighting for her life in there. He looked around to see if anyone else had noticed his entrance, but surprisingly, no one was there. There wasn't even any sign of the doctor. 'He must have shut his program off for the night.' Chakotay thought. At first this thought worried him, 'was Kathryn alone? What if something happened?' His mind began to wonder. 'No,' his better judgment kicked in. 'The Doc's probably got the computer monitoring her and will reactivate him if there's a need.' That was probably true. 'Well, I can't just leave her here alone.' he began to think. So he got a chair from the Doc's office, pulled it up to Kathryn's bed and watched her.

He sat there for a while just holding her hand. It was as cold as ice. He glanced over at the monitor and noticed that her body temp. was low. It must be because of the state she was in. So he sat back and watched her. The rhythmic pattern of her chest rising and falling as she breathed. It was soothing, comforting somehow. 'Like sleeping beauty.' he thought. Perhaps a kiss from the prince is all that's needed to wake them both up from this nightmare. He watched Kathryn's low vital signs on the monitor fluctuate slightly. However, it was ever so slightly, probably nothing to worry about, they were bound to fluctuate some and if they got serious the Doc. would show up. Yet somehow, this was all comforting. Sitting there, like a guardian angel, watching over her as she slept.

Slowly, Chakotay felt himself begin to drift off to sleep.

   [1]: http://katetrek.tripod.com



	2. Chapter 2

RiseFall2

Kes walked in to sickbay around 7:30 the following morning. She was about to activate the doctor when she saw Commander Chakotay sitting in a chair with his head slumped down on the captains biobed. She quietly walked over and heard what sounded like a faint snore coming from the commander, he was asleep. She smiled slightly. She gently shook the commander's shoulder to wake him. "Commander," she called out.

Chakotay woke up startled and sat back in his chair, had he fallen asleep? "Kes," he spoke, while rubbing his eyes. What are you doing here? What time is it?"

"It's 0730 sir, and I could ask you the same question."

"7:30, wow. I couldn't sleep last night so I went for a walk and wound up here. I guess I must have drifted off. How is she?" he inquired as he stood up and looked at Kathryn.

"Let's see" Kes walked over and studied her vital signs. "Her vital signs are strong considering the state that she's in. The Doctor and I will have to perform a brain scan to determine much more than that. Computer, activate Emergency Medical Holographic System." 

The air begin to shimmer and the doctor appeared. "Please state the nature of the Medical Emergency. Oh, good morning Kes, Commander Chakotay."

"Doctor." Chakotay acknowledged with a nod.

"Well, let's see how is our patient doing today?"

" All vital signs are within the parameters you set up, she's looking good."

"Excellent." The doctor said while scanning the Captain with his tricorder. "The swelling has come down 32% we're right on track." He looked up to face Chakotay and Kes. "We should be able to bring her out in another two days."

"Doctor, can you tell yet if there's been any permanent brain damage?" Chakotay inquired.

"Not at this point, we're going to have to wait and see when she wakes up."

" I see, well, keep me posted, I'll be on the bridge." Chakotay said as he turned and left. 'What was I doing?" he thought to himself, not only had he nodded off, he slept for nearly five hours straight. 'I wonder if anyone else caught me? No, Kes had to be the only one. No one would come into sickbay and not alert the doctor without reason. Hopefully she'll keep it quiet.' Although it was a little embarrassing, it was good to see her again, just to know that she was still alive.

He was running late, he was due on the bridge in less than 15 minutes. He turned to look at his reflection in a console, not all that bad. It would have to do. He walked on to the bridge to see most of the senior staff at their stations. Tuvok at tactical, Paris at the helm, Kim at Ops., and Torres was at the engineering console. Some of them turned and nodded to acknowledge his presence. "All right people, since it seams that most of the senior staff is here, can you give me a repair update?"

"I'm going to try to bring the warp engines on-line around 1800 hours. I should have everything ready by then." Torres reported.

"Shields are available at 72% forward and 65% aft, I estimate that we should have full power restored within the next three hours. Phaser banks are up, and currently, only the aft photon torpedo tube is functioning." Tuvok calmly reported from his station. "I would estimate that we will have full weapons capability around 1230 hours."

"Sensors are functioning at a short range level, long range sensor readings are still iffy at best. We've got internal sensors operational all through the ship, and sub space communication has been restored." Kim reported

Paris turned around to face the group, "I'm still waiting on the warp engines, the navigational array is a little slow but operational, we expect to have it working at 100% within the next hour or so. Impulse engines are fully functional."

"So when are we looking to be back to 100%?" Chakotay inquired. 

"With the exception of the main deflector dish, I'd say around 1200 hours tomorrow. I've got repair crews around the clock so even by then we should have partial function." Torres reported.

"Excellent work everyone." Chakotay smiled, impressed with the speed and accuracy that his crew functioned at. He was also pleased that the ship would fully functional by the time that Kathryn woke up. Now it was time to get some work done. "Mr. Tuvok, you have the bridge, I'll be in the Captain's ready room."

"Aye sir." Tuvok curtly nodded

Chakotay walked off the bridge and in to the ready room. He walked behind the desk and sat down in the Captain chair. And then he stopped for a moment with a puzzled look in his face. He looked around, searching for...something. And then he took a deep sniff, he smiled. It was the ready room, her chair, it even smelled like her. It wasn't an obtrusive smell, normally he wouldn't have noticed it. It was just, Kathryn, she felt near, somehow. He smiled and turned to face the computer console and began to work.

The day actually passed rather quickly. Chakotay worked on the crew schedules for the first three hours or so. Then he went by Engineering to check up on Torres's progress. During lunch he briefly stopped by sickbay to check on her progress, and the doctor reported that they were going to try to bring her out of the coma around 1800 hours the next evening. He would be there, he had to be. Later in the day he went to stellar cartography, for the follow up meeting that Kathryn had scheduled with them, prepared next months duty roster, and observed as they tested out the warp engines, which functioned perfectly. It was a good day, a productive day. And when he returned to his quarters for the night, he was confidant that he would be able to sleep.

And he did, for a while. Why had he not been there for her, why hadn't he found a way to save her. She was right there, no more than a meter away from him, yet he did nothing to stop her, nothing to help her. Around 0330 hours, after tossing and turning for over two hours he decided to get up.

He got dressed and headed out. He knew where to go, where he had to go. And off to sickbay he went. Again, just as before when he entered the light was dim, and no one else was around. Just Kathryn lying there in her comatose state. He was careful this time, not to get to comfortable, it was embarrassing enough to be woke up by Kes, he didn't want a repeat of what happened yesterday morning. So he told himself that he wouldn't stay long. Just long enough for her to know that he was with her, and that she wasn't alone. He stood there for almost an hour, holding her hand and staring into her face as she slept. So peaceful, so close, yet so far away. He stood there in silence, and finally he softly spoke to her. "All right Kathryn, only one more day. The doctor says that he's gong to bring you out tomorrow evening, so you've just got to hang on until then. I'll be here, waiting for you when you wake up. So until then, sleep peacefully, and rest. Good night." He bent down and kissed her gently on the forehead. He then turned and exited.

When he reached is quarters, he curled back up into his bed, and slept peacefully for the rest of the night.

****

It was perhaps one of the longest days that Chakotay had ever experienced. No matter what he did, time just seamed to drag on and on. Finally, the time had come. it was 0545 and Chakotay finished up for the day and headed on to sickbay. "Today,' he thought, 'today would be the day that he would be able to talk to Kathryn. The past few days were horrible without her. especially knowing that she was lying helpless in sickbay. When he finally reached sickbay the doctor and Kes were preparing a instrument tray by the Captain's bed.

Kes looked up first when he waked in and smiled. "Commander, it's good of you to come." she politely said. She knew that the commander wouldn't have missed this moment for anything. She along with the whole crew knew that he and the Captain had a...special relationship. She wondered if the Doctor had picked up on it. He wasn't much in to the gossip chain. Well, she wasn't going to be the one to tell him, at least not right now.

Chakotay walked over to the bed. "So, how are we doing?"

"We're just about ready to attempt to revive her." The doctor reported.

"Excellent!" Chakotay smiled, perhaps a little to excited.

"Now commander, as I told you before there are risks. We don't yet know the extent of the captains damage. Her eyes may pop right open and everything will be fine. However, there is also a good chance that she may suffer some memory loss. There also could be some nerve impulse damage which could impact her speech, vision, hearing, and motor functions. We simply don't know at this point what's going to happen." The doctor spilled out unemotionally.

"I understand." Chakotay nodded. She would be all right, she had to be.

"Kes, the Damafeltz please." The doctor called out as the hypo was placed in his hand. He injected it in to the Captain's system and there was an almost immediate reaction.

Kes called out the Captain's vital signs. "Over all body temp. is rising we're at 92 now. Blood pressure is rising, heart rate increasing."

"I'm not getting any signs of consciousness yet." The Doc. called out.

"Body temp. now at 96. Heart rate is at 95 bets per minute and rising." Kes continued to call out.

She was coming out of it Chakotay thought. All he was waiting for now was for her eyes to open and say hello.

"Body temp. is 99 degrees and rising. Heart rate has jumped to 140, blood pressure is dangerously high."

"I'm still not getting any signs of consciousness, she should be awake by now." The doctor was getting concerned. He scanned her once again with the tricorder, Electoral brain activity is at a minimum, yet her body working in overdrive."

"Body temp. is now registering at 104, heart rate is at 180. Doctor, we've got to do something." Kes frantically called out.

By now beads of sweat were beginning to form on Kathryn's forehead, she was starting to quiver and shake. Her breathing becoming erratic. Chakotay reached out and grabbed he hand and it had turned from ice to fire. But still, it was as limp and lifeless as ever.

"Kes, quickly, prepare 10cc's of Mezathane, I'm going to try to put her in a semi comatose state." Kes quickly prepared the hypo and handed it to the doctor as he injected it into her system.

Almost immediately the shaking stopped, the heart rate dropped, and respiration was regular again. She was returning to her previous state.

"What the hell happened?" Chakotay demanded

"The Captain's body responded to the drug and prepared itself to become conscious again, increased temperature, heart rate, respiration, and blood pressure. However, the brain functions didn't kick in and she didn't regain connections."

"What do we do now?"

"Well commander, we wait. I've put the Captain into a semi comatose state. Now it's all up to her. There's nothing else I can do for her. She may wake up in an hour, or she may never wake up."

"She's a fighter, doctor, she will wake up."

The doctor politely smiled, "I sincerely hope so."

"I'm going to stay with her for a while." Chakotay informed the doctor.

"Very well, Kes, perhaps you could assist me in analyzing the tissue samples we collected earlier."

"Yes doctor." Kes responded. Chakotay and the Captain needed some peace. She headed off behind the doctor.

Chakotay sat there for hours. Holding her hand, talking to her and just being there. So that she'd know that she wasn't alone. The doctor finally walked in almost four hours later.

"Commander, it's getting late. I think that visiting hours are over." the doctor said.

" Oh, I guess it is." He hadn't released how late it had gotten. He got up from is chair still holding her hand. "Notify me any time if there is any change."

The doctor nodded.

"Chakotay squeezed her hand tightly, and turned to walk away. Just then, he felt Kathryn's fingers weakly pull on to his. He turned around immediately.

"Commander, is something wrong?" The doctor inquired.

Had he imagined it or had she really tried to pull him back when he went to leave. "I don't know. I went to leave and I think she squeezed my hand." He gently pulled his hand away and she squeezed it again. "There, she did it again." He smiled.

Both Kes and the Doctor went over to the bed side as the Doc. was scanning the Captain. "I'm picking up some more brain activity, I think she's coming out of it." The doctor grinned and looked up.

Chakotay grasped her hand tighter. "I'm not going anywhere." he said to her. "Come on now Kathryn, fight it, wake up now."

"Vital signs are rising." Kes reported.

The Captain's eyes flicked under her closed eyelids and then, slowly they opened.

"Welcome back." Chakotay smiled.

The Captain just layer there, motionless and looking rather confused.

"Let's not get to ahead of ourselves yet. Captain," the doctor spoke, "If you can hear me, I don't want you to try to move, I'm still assessing to see if there is any brain damage."

"I hear you." The Captain weakly replied. "What...what happened?" 

"We were under attack and lost our weapons You went to deflector control to reroute a phaser burst through the deflector dish and there was an overload. You were hurt."

"The ship...is everyone all right?"

"Yes, everyone is fine, you saved the ship, the Ethanian ships were disabled." Chakotay replied.

"Captain," the doctor said, "You were seriously wounded and we do not yet know the extent of the brain damage if any. I need you to try to speak and move as little as possible until we can be sure that you aren't causing any more damage to your systems. Now can you briefly tell me, how you feel? Is their any pain?"

"Head....hurts, I'm a little confused, and very tired...can't hardly keep my eyes open." She struggled to get the words out.

"Captain, listen to me, it is very important that you not go to sleep right now, do you understand? Try to stay conscious. The doctor ordered. "Commander, I need you to keep her occupied, talk to her, but don't encourage her to move or talk. keep, her conscious." The doctor said quietly aside to Chakotay.

"After, the console exploded, you were injured and the doctor had to place you into a coma, in order to allow the swelling in your brain go down." Chakotay babbled on to Janeway while the doctor continued to scan her. "The phaser blast worked perfectly, both ships were disabled with the single shot, and never followed. We've just completed all repairs, and are back on a course to the Alpha quadrant."

"How long?" Janeway uttered.

"How long? How long were you in the coma? Just over three days. It's about 2215 now." Chakotay responded.

Janeway still looked confused, she was rapidly loosing her concentration and could no longer focus on Chakotay."

"How is she?" Chakotay asked the doctor.

"Very lucky," The doctor responded. "She's a fighter. There's no permanent brain damage from what I can tell, the grogginess and confusion should pass soon. She'll probably have a headache for the next few days though. It's safe for her to get some sleep. She could sure use it, she's been fighting to stay alive for almost three days straight."

"Kathryn, you're all right now. Why don't you get some rest. I'll stay here for a while." Chakotay said while holding her hand.

"Thanks," was all she could manage to get out before she was out again.

Chakotay let out a breath of relief. Things were going to work out. He felt as if a weight had been lifted from his heart, Kathryn was okay, there was noting else he needed to worry about. He looked over to the doctor. "Doctor, how long do think it's going to be before she can leave sickbay?"

"Well, I suppose, that she could return to light duty in for or five days. I'll want to keep her here at least another day to monitor her progress. But, I don't anticipate any problems."

Chakotay smiled, "that's good. Keep me posted, good night." Chakotay released Kathryn's hand and walked out of sickbay.

Once he reached his quarters, he had the replicator fix him something to eat and then went to bed. He fell asleep quickly, and tonight, no troubling dreams of visions kept him awake.

At 0740, before reporting to the bridge, Chakotay decided to stop by sickbay to see how Kathryn was doing. He walked in and over to her bio-bed where she was resting peacefully. The doctor was active, and walked over to Chakotay.

"Good morning commander."

"Doctor, how is she this morning?"

"Well, she hasn't woke up since last night, but that doesn't surprise me. I'm sure she'll be up later this morning. Her vital signs look strong. I don't see any problems arising. I can probably let her leave sickbay tomorrow, and then return light duty a few days after that. We'll have her back to normal in about a week."

"That's good. Well, I'll be on the bridge if you need me." Chakotay walked out. When he reached the bridge, there was a positive "vibe". He was sure that the whole crew knew by now that the Captain was awake and doing well. There were a few acknowledging nodes as he walked towards the command chair that Tuvok left as he approached. 

The whole day was actually boring, nothing unusual. That was probably good. After all, they had just patched-up the ship, they didn't want to go around undoing all the repairs that they had done. Chakotay went down to engineering in the early afternoon. On his way back he decided to stop by sickbay. When he got there he was relieved to see Kathryn sitting up in her bed reading from a PADD. She didn't seam to notice when he walked in.

"Wow, we're looking better."

She looked up. "Chakotay," she was excited to see him but tried not to overlay show it.

"How do you feel?" He asked as he came up to the side of the bed. 

"Ready to get out of here. One hell of a headache but I'll live with it."

He smiled, "The doctor says maybe tomorrow. Aren't you suppose to be resting?" Chakotay glanced at the PADD in her hand.

"I am resting."

"Oh really, what's this you're reading?" Chakotay suspiciously asked.

"It's just a book I've been meaning to get to for a while now." she turned the PADD slightly away from him.

"Which one?" He reached over and took it out of her hand, looked at it and then her sternly. "Oh, this is a classic, Chief Engineers Report, by B'Elanna Torres. I bet if you want I can even get you an autographed copy."

She sat there looking as if she had just been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. "Well what do you expect me to do?" She finally replied daringly.

"I expect you to rest, you've been though a lot these past few days." Chakotay sternly said.

"I'm tired of resting, I've wasted the past three days, I feel fine and I'm ready to get back to work." She snapped back.

Just then the doctor walked in. "Just what is going on in here?" he demanded.

"Nothing." Janeway snapped.

"Nothing, well some nothing seams to have gotten you worked up, and that's not healthy right now. Commander, I'm going to have to ask you to leave so my patient can get some rest."

"And I'll take this back." Janeway said as she snatched the PADD out of Chackotay's hands.

"Actually, I'll take it." the doctor waked over and took it from Janeway. "You should be resting."

"I'm fine."

"You are not fine, you nearly died. Now you will calm down and get some rest or do I have to sedate you?" The doctor ordered.

"Fine."

"Good." Chakotay said. "Now get some rest."

"Oh, yes sir!" She scarasticley responded.

Chakotay shot her a glance and walked out the door.

"Now Captain, I don't want to catch you with anything else. You are to be resting, now try to get some sleep." He turned away, "Captains, definitely make the worst patients." he uttered as he walked off.

Kathryn layer back in the bed and thought to herself. What was wrong with her? She was definitely in a bad mood. She almost died, she should be happy that she was still alive. Was it the doctor? Did he put her on edge? She thought she had gotten over that. She also wasn't one to lay around and do nothing. And the damn headache that just wouldn't go away. A combination of the three had to be what put her on edge. And Chakotay, what was wrong with him? They were actually on the verge of getting into a fight before the doctor intervened. What was going on between them? What had happened to them both while she was out? These were all questions that she would find the answers to.

The next morning commander Chakotay strolled onto the bridge. He had his PADD in his hand and was working on the annual crew reports, a task he didn't look forward to. He was running behind and didn't have time to drop of and see Kathryn this morning. He wasn't sure he wanted to. Tuvok rose, to give Chakotay the command seat but Chakotay held up his hand. "No thanks, I've got some work to do. I'll be in the ready room." He continued on to the ready room staring down at his PADD. As he entered he could hear Paris call out behind him.

"Uh sir?" Paris called out.

But Chakotay had already entered the ready room. And looked up. Kathryn Janeway was sitting at her desk sipping a cup of coffee with a PADD in her own hand. Chakotay froze in his tracks. The two stared at each other for a moment. Chakotay was the first to speak. "What the hell are you doing here?" He demanded.

"It's my ready room commander." She replied. "And I do believe that it is customary to ring before entering."

"Does the doctor know that you're here?" he demanded.

"No, I don't think so." she replied.

"My god, Kathryn, you're still suppose to be in sickbay! What the hell are you trying to pull!" He yelled out, furious.

"Excuse me?" She questioned him in a daring tone. "I'm not trying to pull anything. This is my ship, this is my ready room, and last time I checked I was in command here." She rose from her chair and looked him straight in the eyes. "What right do you have to come barging in here and questioning me?"

"You know, you're going to kill yourself one of these days, hell, you've managed to kill yourself twice in the past two months. You've just been lucky that someone's been around to save your life!"

"Is that what all this is about? You think I'm taking to many risks? Now is that your professional opinion as my first officer or ..."

"As Voyager's first officer, I have a duty to the Captain and the crew. And Kathryn, I don't want to loose you."

"You know what Chakotay, being a starship Captain, thousands of light-years away from friendly territory is kind-of a dangerous profession. There new aliens, and new obstacles around every corner. As far as risk, there is a very large amount of risk involved. But risk, risk is our business." Her headache was becoming more noticeable now. Just when the hell was this thing going to go away? It was a annoyance.

"Why do you always have to be in the center of everything? Can't you step back and let someone else do something for a while? Are are you so bent on trying to control every situation that comes your way that you're blinded to the dangers evolve?"

"You think that it was foolish of me to take tactical myself and disable the ships."

"Yes, I do. I think that you were putting yourself in unnecessary danger."

"Well, damn it, I'm the Captain. I have a duty to this ship and this crew. I was not going to order Tuvok, or anyone else to take the console, when I was capable of doing it myself. It was my idea, I knew the risks, and I followed it though to the end."

"And look at what happened."

"Yes! By all means, let's take a look at what happened. The ships were disabled, and Voyager escaped. No one else was hurt. I'd say we were pretty damn lucky." Her head was throbbing now. But she was on a roll and was not about to stop.

"You nearly got yourself killed!" he shouted back

"Now you listen to me, I am not going to stop being the Captain of this ship just because you get worried. I'm still going to put myself out there on the line for my ship, and my crew. That's my duty as their Captain!" The pain and her head was becoming worse, was something wrong? Her better judgment knew that she should stop this fight with Chakotay and return to sickbay. But the doctor would make her stay there even longer. And she wasn't about to let Chakotay win this argument. He was being a stubborn....man. And she simply would not give him the pleasure of her retreating. So instead, she decided maybe it was best to sit down.

"You have no right to go off do whatever you please just because you've got some wild eyed crazy half-cocked idea!" he shouted.

Oh that did it. Janeway shot back up to her feet, the force of her movement propelling her chair backwards. She was around the table and got right in his face. The anger inside of her building. Anyone could tell from the look in her eyes. "I have every right! She shouted back in a fierce tone. She opened her mouth to shout something else but no words came out. Instead, the intense anger in her eyes, turned turned in to surprise, and then pain.

Chakotay noticed the change. Unsure of what to do, he backed up a step, ready for anything.

Kathryn closed her eyes tightly, trying to block out the pain. She brought her right to her head. The pain was everywhere, mostly in her head. It felt as if something had exploded. She let a cry of pain, escape her mouth and then dropped down to her knees attempting to steady herself with her free hand pressed on the ground. But the pain was too intense. It knifed through her, her body simply would not function. She fell completely to the floor.

Chakotay was at her side immediately. 'My god, what have I done?' were the first words that popped into his head. He held her body close to his, she was shaking slightly in his arms. With a free hand he slapped his communicator and shouted into it, "medical emergency! Two to beam directly to sickbay." he looked down at her. She was conscious, but obviously in to much pain, to do anything. "Hang on Kathryn, just hang on."

Seconds later they dematerialized and then rematerialized in the floor of sickbay. The doctor and Kes rushed over to their side.

"What happened?" the doctor demanded while taking out his tricorder and scanning the Captain."

"I don't know, we were in the middle of an argument when she suddenly grabbed her head and fell to the floor." Chakotay responded, still holding her shaking body in his arms.

"Some of the vessels in her brain are a expanding and contracting at an enormous rate. Kes, 20cc's of hypoglactine." Kes went off for a moment and soon returned with the hypo. The doctor injected it. Almost immediately the shaking stopped. But Chakotay didn't loosen his grip. Janeway opened her eyes, and let out a breath. Her head was still pounding but it wasn't as bad.

"Are you all right?" Chakotay asked.

"Yeah...it just hit me with such force, I'm okay now." She replied.

"Let's get her up on the biobed." The doctor said.

Chakotay was about to lift her up when she slowly got up on her own. She sat on the edge of the bed. She knew that if she layer down it would imply that she was willing to stay, and that she would not do.

"Now you say you two were arguing at the time of the incident?" the doctor questioned.

"Yes." Chakotay answered.

"No." Janeway replied.

"I see. How big of an argument?"

"Well, there was yelling and screaming involved." Chakotay replied.

"It was a mild disagreement," Janeway corrected him.

"Mild, for a while there I thought that someone from the bridge was going to come rushing in to break us up."

"Fine." Janeway retorted.

"Captain, I released you from sickbay, under the impression that you were going to go straight to you're quarters and lie down."

"I got a little side tracked." She replied.

"What all have you done this morning?" The doctor questioned.

"I went to my quarters, took a shower. I then went to the bridge, sat down with my coffee and worked on the crew reports. Chakotay came in shortly after that and we started arguing."

"Coffee?" The doctor asked. "How many cups?"

"Three or four, why?"

"The Caffeine in coffee is a vasoconstrictor, it tightens the blood vessels near your brain. However, do to you head injury made the vassals expand. No doubt, you headache got worse after you drank the coffee."

"Yes, I guess it did." She replied. 'Damn it Kathryn, you're a scientist, you knew that.' she scolded herself.

"That's because the pressure in your cells was building up against the cell. However, that in itself wasn't enough for the vassals to suddenly expand like they did. I would hypothesize that your argument with commander Chakotay got you physically and emotionally worked up and your vessels suddenly and violently expanded. Causing the sudden rush of pain. You're extremely lucky that you didn't rupture one. But you're fine for now. As I said before, you may have a headache for a few days."

"That's good to hear, am I free to go?"

"I would rather keep you here but, it doesn't appear that you have any interest in that. So I will release you under the condition that you go directly to your quarters and relax. I don't want to find you anywhere near the bridge today. Is that understood?"

"Yes." she regrettably acknowledged.

"Don't worry, I'll make sure that she doesn't get sidetracked this time." Chakotay stated.

"Good. And no coffee, until the headache subsides, I want to see you back here tomorrow morning."

Janeway got down from the bio-bed and headed for the door, escorted by Chakotay.

"And no arguing! Don't get yourself worked up!" He shouted out after them as they exited. "I'm so glad that everyone takes my medical advice to heart." He scarastically said to himself.

"How's the head?" Chakotay asked as he walked with Kathryn down the hallway.

"It still hurts, but it's better now, thanks."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get in that screaming match with you, I should have known better."

She stopped and looked at him. "Hey, what happened to me isn't your fault. None of it is."

They continued on down to her quarters. "It was just a stupid thing to do. You'd think that I'd have a little more sense than to go head to head with someone who had just waken up from a coma the day before."

"Well," she said with a smile. "I don't blame you. Subconsciously, you probably thought that it was the only time you could win."

Chakotay smiled a that one too. "Well, I guess I was wrong."

They both stopped as they reached the door to her quarters.

"Won't you come in?" She asked.

"Are you sure you want me to?"

"Of course."

The two entered and Janeway motioned for him to sit down on the couch beside her. There was an awkward period of silence. Janeway was the first to break it. "Chakotay, tell me what you were trying to say in the ready room."

He sat there looking uncomfortable for a moment. "Kathryn," he finally spoke. "When the tactical console exploded, and I saw you thrown around like a rag doll and hit the floor I was scared to death. Tuvok and I were the first ones on the scene." He continued trying to hold back his emotion. "And I saw you, lying there, I thought for sure that you were dead, and gone forever. Tuvok, confirmed my worst fear, you were dead. I called for the emergency medical kit, I tried to help you. But I froze, for the first time in my life, I was paralyzed by all of the emotion rushing around inside of me. All I could do was sit there on the floor, watching, first Tuvok, and then the Doctor and Kes try to save you." Choking back the emotion that was pouring from him.

Kathryn noticed that he was having difficulty so she slid closer on the couch, and grasped his hand firmly in comfort.

"Still, when we got you back, all I could do is focus on how you were lying there, needing my help, and I couldn't help you." Chakotay was struggling at this point, but it had to be said. All the anger, all the hate was bottled up inside of him. He exploded once at her today, and caused her even more pain. He couldn't let that happen again, he had to get it all out. "When you were in the coma, I came every night, and saw you. I couldn't sleep because every time I closed my eyes, you were there. Hurt, dying, and I couldn't help you." A single tear rolled down his cheek, and he made no effort to wipe it away. He just held her hand even tighter. "In sickbay, you were lying there, alone, fighting to stay alive, and all I could do was sit there with you and hold you hand. Hoping desperately that someday it was comforting, and that you knew you were not alone. All the anger, all the hostility, I've shown to you, it was because, I was so angry at myself for not helping you." Another tear rolled down his cheek, this time he tried to blink the others back. "All that anger and hatred, was bottled up inside me, and it finally exploded today in the ready room. But once again, you were the victim. You were the one hurt." He finally broke, and all of his emotion cane flooding out. "My god Kathryn, I just don't want to loose you." He cried, the tears, washing over him, like a cleansing tide.

Janeway took him up in her arms. "Thank you, thank you so much for telling me. I know it was difficult." She just held him for a while in silence before continuing. "Oh, Chakotay, I'm not going anywhere." She tried to comfort him, how honest he was, how emotional. She couldn't help but feel with him. "You can't blame yourself for what happened to me. I'm all right, we're both okay." She sat back and looked him directly in the eye an held his hand. "While I was in the coma, it was a dark and lonely place. There were brief moments of conscious, when I felt as if I were trapped inside my own body. I couldn't open my eyes, I couldn't move, couldn't speak. I was just there." She spoke softly, still a bit shaken from the experience. "I thought about giving up. Just drifting off and never coming back. I wanted to live, but I was afraid that I was going to spend the rest of my life in this state. I don't know how many times I was conscious, or for how long. There was no way to determine time. But I know, many times, there was a presence. I learned that the presence was you. You were telling me, that I was going to wake up, that things were going to get better if I could just hang on a little longer. So I did. And when I woke up, you were there, just like you said you would be." She took a deep breath. "So, don't you think for a moment that you didn't do anything to help me. I'll never know for sure, how badly I really wanted to live. But if you had not been there, I don't know that I'd be conscious today."

They sat there for a while. Finally Chakotay go up. "Well, you need to get some rest. I'll let you sleep." He tuned to walk out. 

"Chakotay," Kathryn called after him.

"Yes?" Chakotay asked standing in the doorway.

"Thank you." Kathryn smiled

Chakotay returned her smile. "Anytime, now you'd best get some rest. Good night." He turned and left.

=/\= Fin.

Please check out my website for more fanfict: [http://katetrek.tripod.com][1]

   [1]: http://katetrek.tripod.com



End file.
